The Teddy Bear
by Raablyn
Summary: Rizzen gives Dinin a teddy bear, and now everyone wants it, and no one wants to give it up. Solely for humor. I hopw you like it. Read please.


_Disclaimer: I own nothing. _

_The Do'Urden family gathers to decide an issue . . . hehe. I love manipulating characters._

_Note: YES I know all these characters are severely OUT OF CHARACTER. Pointing this out will cost you your head._

_I was caffinated when I wrote this . . . as well as slightly on suger-high . . . and I'd just been to Sears . . . please read._

The Teddy Bear.

"It's MINE!" Nalfein whined to Matron Malice, clutching the object to his chest. "I was born before he was! Thus, by rights, it's MINE!"

"Is not!" Dinin protested, grabbing the object. "He gave it to ME! Thus, it is . . . mine."

"You both are whack! I claim it!" Maya too seized the particular object.

"If you can't decide, can I have it?" Drizzt asked eagerly as he too grabbed at it.

"Matron! GIVE THAT BACK!" Nalfein shrieked as Dinin managed to tear the object away from Nalfein, who snatched helplessly at it as Drizzt, Maya, and Dinin proceeded to grapple with the object.

"Hold it!" Matron Malice Do'Urden shrieked. "What in the name of the Demonweb is this about?"

Her children, being wayyyyyyy to busy trying to acquire the object, completely ignored her.

Bad move.

"SILENCE!" the irate Matron finally screamed.

Nalfein, Dinin, Maya, and Drizzt all shut up.

"What the heck is going on?" Zaknafein, coming in, asked aloud. Beside Matron Malice, Rizzen shifted.

"I have no idea, but I will find out. Now, what is going on? Maya!"

Maya drew her lips together in a pout. "Matron Mother, I deserve this object, and these puny whacked-up males are trying to take it from me!"

"She's lying! Rizzen gave it to ME." Dinin protested, trying to yank the object towards him.

"I deserve it! I'm the elderboy!" Nalfein clawed at his brother in a vain effort to get the object.

"I'm the youngest . . . can I have it?" Drizzt asked eagerly.

"Who are you?" Nalfein murmured to Drizzt, who ignored him.

"HAVE WHAT?" Matron Malice demanded, opening her hand. "Drop it or else!"

Everyone dropped the object.

Matron Malice slooooooooooowly approached her children, picking the object off the floor. "This . . . " she began, her face shining bright. "is about a teddy bear."Not just ANY teddy bear." protested Nalfein.

"Yeah!" Maya joined in. "It's pink and has little hearts on it!"

"Can I see?" Zaknafein asked. Maya hugged the teddy bear to her chest, or at least she attempted to. Nalfein's arms got in the way.

"Whoa." Zaknafein stated after viewing it. "I want that!"

Another struggle ensued, now with Nalfein, Dinin, Drizzt, Maya, and Zaknafein wrestling, whining, and fighting for the teddy-bear. Everyone conveniently forgot about their swords/magic/clerical abilities, and fought just with their hands, feet, legs, arms, etc.

In the commotion that followed, Vierna and Briza entered the room.

"What the hell?" Briza exclaimed, staring at her brothers and sister fighting.

"What's going on?" Vierna likewise exclaimed.

"Apparently, Rizzen here-" Malice glared at her patron, who shifted in his place. "gave someone a teddy-bear, and now everyone wants it."

"Rizzen!" Briza shrieked. Rizzen ducked and ran for cover.

"It's mine!"

"Mine!"

"Miiiiiiiiiine!"

"Mine!"

"Not yours!"

The three High Priestesses paused to look at the fight. All that really could be seen was a big cartoon-ish cloud of dust with various body parts sticking out of it.

"OUCH!"

"Maya bit me!"

"Dinin punched me!"

"AAAAAAA! Drizzt, cut it out!"

"GIVE IT TO ME!"

"Aha! Got it!"

"Oh, you think so!"

"PILE UP ON ZAKNAFEIN!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The cloud suddenly disappeared, giving the three ladies a good view of the action. Zaknafein was on the bottom of the pile, Drizzt was on top of him, Maya was squashed on top of Drizzt, Dinin was on top of her, and Nalfein was on top of Dinin with a firm grasp on his brother's neck. The poor teddy bear was beneath them all.

"Ah! Stinky! STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINKY!" shrieked Maya, attempting to wiggle her poor nose away from the horror that was Dinin's sweat socks.

Vierna, seeing her sister's plight, couldn't suppress a giggle. Walking over, she kicked Zaknafein, who fell off the teddy bear and landed on his side, thus dumping the whole drow tower over. Before anyone else could react, Vierna snatched the teddy bear and clutched it to her chest.

"Hey! Zaknafein whined, jumping up. The rest followed suit.

"Hey! The rest of you stop following that suit and get back over here!"

"Sorry." Drizzt, Nalfein, Maya, and Dinin quit following the animated blue suit and returned to Zaknafein. The suit sulked for a minute, then went to go take its hurt feelings out the poor Rizzen.

Matron Malice attempted to snatched the teddy-bear from Vierna, who dodged.

Everyone stared.

Matron Matlice glared at her daughter, who was hugging the teddy bear to her chest. No one had ever dodger Matron Malice Do'Urden before.

Vierna, seeing their stares, hissed and back away, beding over to shield the sacredteddy bear. "My preciousssssssssssssssss." she hissed.

Everyone stared.

"GET THE TEDDY BEAR!" Dinin screamed wildly. Vierna hissed and ran from the room, with Zaknafein, Drizzt, Dinin, Nalfein, Maya, Briza, and Matron Malice in hot pursuit.

They chased her halfway across the castle. Then Drizzt took a shortcut and, using some twine he'd conveniently found, created a trap in a doorway that tripped Dinin, who went down screaming curses and twisting his ankle. Nalfein, seeing this, used his wizarding powers to travel via the (drums) SPEED OF LIGHT and landed right infront of Vierna. 1.In the grapple that followed Vierna used a spell to enclose Nalfein in a sticky green substance against the wall and ran on. She was then confronted by Drizzt, who rammed straight into her and stole the bear. Zaknafein then confronted Drizzt, and the two suddenly remembered that they had weapons. While fighting for the bear that they had stupidly left just sitting there, Vierna caught up to them and grabbed the bear, using the same sticky substance on Drizzt and Zaknafein to stick them to the walls.

Maya then caught up with Vierna, and the two wrestled for the bear while Briza snuck up behind them and snatched the bear. The three proceeded to slap for the bear while Nalfein used his wizardry powers to break free of his prison, sneak up on his sisters, and magically dump a vat of freezing water on their heads. While they were screaming, Nalfein made off with the bear . . .

. . . and ran smack into Matron Malice herself.

"WHAT IS THIS?" Malice screamed, snatching the bear away and smacking her son when he whimpered. Dinin was futilely trying to free his foot from Drizzt's trap, Zaknafein and Drizzt were stuck to the walls, her three daughters were soaked and bearing slap-marks, and Nalfein was crying because the precious teddy bear had been snatched away from him.

"Why do you all want this THING so much?" Matron Malice screamed, releasing Drizzt and Zaknafeinfrom the goo.

Everyone shrugged. Nalfein gasped.

"Mother! It's not a thing . . . ohhhhh, you made the cute widdle teddyweddy cryyyyyy . . . how could you be soooo cruuuuuuuuuuel?"Drizzt bagan to cry.

"Screw that! I want the teddy bear!" Nalfein snapped.

"My precious!" Now Vierna began to cry. Everyone else started whining about wanting the teddy bear.

"HUSH UP!" Matron Malice finally screamed.

"Wow, you sure do do a lot of screaming." Zaknafain observed.

"Keep talking, Zak. Keep talking." Briza fingered her whip.

"Look." Matron Malice finally exclaimed. "To decide who gets the teddy bear, I'm going to throw it ramdomly into the middle of the room. Whoever can get out of the doorway with the teddy bear gets the teddy bear. All right?" Matron Malice aimed, than threw the bear, smack in the middle of the room.

Screaming, everyone dived for it.

* * *

As a lover of chaos, Malice thought she'd done a pretty good job. She'd taken the situationthat Rizzen, poor mangled Rizzen, had created and turned it into a chaotic, winner-gets-all thing. Or something like that. Now all that was left was to sit and watch while Rizzen did the comentary. 

"Ooooh! That's it, Vierna! Give it to him! Ooooh, slap! Right across the face! I'll bet that hurt!PoorZak - Dinin, that was dirty! Ouch! Right in the - ooooooooh, looks like Nalfein's out of the piture. Niiiiiiiice, Drizzt! Bet she didn't see that coming! Get her, Maya! Oooh, right in the kisser!"

Suddenly, Zaknafein, bearing the mark of Vierna's hand across is cheek, did something that no one else had thought of. Enacting globes of darkness over the room, he snatched the bear from Briza and levitated up, running across the air.

"No!" screamed Briza, but she was too late, as Zaknafein tumbled through the doorway and right onto Matron Malice's lap.

"I woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!" he screamed. The fighting ceased abruptly as everyone paused to crawl out beneath the globes of darkness and regard Zak with sullen looks.

After Zak, smiling, left to clean all the blood off of him and put on some new clothes (and to gloat over his prize) left, Drizzt turned to Rizzen. "Just whered you get that bear?" he asked.

"Sears." Rizzen answered, shifting.

* * *

Matron Malice looked around for her child a few hours later. She looked everywhere. In the first room, in the second room, in the third room, etc. etc. etc. Finally, fed up, she turned to Rizzen. "Where are my children?" she demanded, he face inches from his own. 

"Ummmmm . . . I think they went to Sears."

_1. Yes I know this was originally one big paragraph but because it was so long I broke it up. You can thank me later._

* * *

_What did you guys think? Thank you for reading and please review! _

_Thanks! _


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